So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
