I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
