I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize