Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
