Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
