OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
