Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
