someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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