My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
