It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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