I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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