That's intense
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
