AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize