then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
