Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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