capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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