put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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