lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
