So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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