Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
