I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
