her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
