He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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