Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize