jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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