yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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