Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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