He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
