Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
