this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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