That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize