After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
