I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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