you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
