I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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