how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
