David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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