well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
