So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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