Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
