her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
