I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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