she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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