She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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