i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
