So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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