my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
