Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
