After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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