I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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