this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
