My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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