My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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