I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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