so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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