just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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