Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
